Losing It
by You-Still-Owe-Me
Summary: After an awkward dinner party, Helga and Arnold end up discussing their repressed feelings for each other. M for sex later on.
1. Chapter 1

"So, how did you lose it, Helga?" Gerald asked casually from the other side of the glass table. The others stared into her eyes, not aware of the immense pressure they were laying on her. This was why she hated dinner parties. It always ended in tipsy truth or dare. If she had been playing with anyone else, she could lie her way past embarrassing questions, but these were her best friends since first grade – they knew when she was lying.

"L-lose what?" Helga stuttered, her palm slipping to the back of her neck for reassurance and her mind racing to find an excuse. She knew damn well what Gerald meant, how was she supposed to admit to being a virgin in front of Phoebe and Gerald and Rhonda and, worst of all, Arnold. She didn't know whether Arnold had lost the v-plates yet, but she didn't feel like asking, especially not in a situation like this.

"Lose your virginity? Popping the cherry? Come on, out with it!" Gerald demanded, putting his arm around Phoebe, who giggled at his touch. They had been dating since the group graduated high school, and really suited each other. Gerald was very protective over her, as she was short and sweet, and he loved her more than anything, even if he didn't always like to let his sensitivity show.

"I..uh.." Helga nibbled the inside of her cheek anxiously, desperate to be somewhere else, other than stuck in Rhonda Wellington-Lloyd's luxury apartment, getting bombarded with awkward questions and the hostess' cigarette smoke.

"She doesn't have to answer if she doesn't want to..." Arnold smiled, coming to Helga's rescue. Since middle school, the two had grown apart. Helga had matured and stopped teasing Arnold; she learnt, instead, to repress her love for him. The old elementary school bond was present but somewhat weakened by the passing of time.

"But you can't honestly tell me you're not curious yourself, Shortman?" Gerald laughed, eager to hear Helga's response because he could tell she was hiding something.

"Well, I guess I am curious, sure, but don't force her..."

Helga shot Arnold a grateful glance, but it was too late, she would have to confess. Besides, she thought, who cares? It's a personal thing, not for someone else to decide.

"Well, I..." she began, with a shaky breath inwards.

"Get on with it.." Rhonda sighed, elegantly drawing on her cigarette.

"Of course, I lost it, years ago, ages ago, in fact... to.. a boy named.. Oliver. On.. on the beach! On holiday..." Helga blubbered. There was no backing out now.

Gerald laughed, Rhonda raised an eyebrow in what could have been either disbelief or approval, Phoebe giggled, nuzzling into Gerald, not really paying attention as she was mildly intoxicated anyway, and Arnold... held a smile, like someone would hold a crying child. She could tell there was disappointment running raw through his veins, but something compelled her to continue.

"So, how was it?" Rhonda asked with a sly smirk.

Helga froze. How was it? How was it? Oh, you mean how was the sex I didn't have with a guy who doesn't exist? It was great/fabulous/hideous/awful/painful/awkward/funny, all of the goddamn above! Her mind went into overdrive trying to think about an adequate, plausible response.

"It was-"

"Oh shit!"

Helga was interrupted by Gerald's exclamation upon receiving a text message. "I have to go, guys, I'll see you round!" he muttered, suddenly flustered and serious as he put his coat on. Phoebe grabbed his wrist. "What's going on?" she asked.

"No time to explain, just come with me." Gerald lead Phoebe out of the apartment as she managed to squeak "Thanks for the party, Rhonda!"

The three sat in silence. "Gee, I hope everything's okay.." Arnold murmured half-heartedly. Helga nodded in agreement, shaking slightly with the adrenalin of faking a story of how she lost her virginity. Rhonda made smoke rings with her mouth.


	2. Chapter 2

Getting bored of the awkward situation and Rhonda's narcissistic stories, Helga made her excuses, slipped her coat on and left. She was walking down the dark staircase of the apartment block when she heard fast footsteps and looked behind her. It was Arnold. Upon seeing Helga had noticed his presence and how fast he was running to catch up, he slowed down considerably into an uncomfortable jerky stride.

"Hey..." he mumbled. "Can I walk you home or something?"

"Sure, if you want to.." Helga murmured back, shrugging as she paused so Arnold could catch up with her. They walked down the stairs in silence. For a fancy apartment block, Helga thought to herself, they sure don't look after their stairs. The raw concrete had the expected stains and the neon-esque glow of the flickering light faltered frequently. Arnold held a door open for her, and she smiled a thoughtless thank you as they both stepped out into the bitter night. The biting wind stroked Helga's cheeks as she wondered why she wasn't taking advantage of the situation. At the beginning of middle school, this was all she ever wanted. Maybe that's why it didn't happen back then – because she wanted it too much. Now she didn't care, now that she'd moved on, it was happening, live and in the flesh, Arnold walking her home. The deepest, darkest corner of her mind screamed at her to fall into his arms, then into his bed then into marriage and children and a house on the beach and they'd grow old together and... No, no, Helga, not tonight. Not with Arnold. The endless years of repression had gotten to her and corrupted her desire.

"So... Uh... I didn't know you'd lost it..." Arnold murmured, breaking the icy sheet of silence.

"Mmhmm." She nodded, chewing the inside of her cheek again. She had seemed to start doing that whenever she was lying about something these days. Arnold brought his hand to the back of his neck, equally nervous.

"Y'know.. I never thought you'd be the type.."

"What? There's no type for losing virginity, it just happened, okay?" Helga raised her voice defensively.

"No, that's not what I meant... What I meant to say was... well.. How can I even say this..?" he blushed as they continued walking but slightly slower.

"Say what?"

"That.. well.. I never thought it would be so spontaneous with you. I pictured you waiting for the one guy you truly loved."

Helga's cheek nibbling intensified in speed. He was so dangerously right that she began to wonder whether he had been able to read her mind for the last 10 years, or whether he had gotten hold of one of her little pink poetry books, or looked in her closet to find her shrine. The two were avoiding each other's eyes as the two stopped walking but just stood in the middle of the sidewalk, physically close if nothing else.

"I... I have a confession, Helga." Arnold stuttered, finding the courage to face her fully.

"Arnold.." she sighed quietly, her heart disintegrating with a cocktail of fear, anxiety and unbearable hope.

"I've had the biggest crush on you since.. since 7th grade. You've changed so much since PS 118.." he admitted, fixing his gaze on the ground from sheer embarrassment.

"Arnold.. I think we need to talk." Helga smiled weakly, her hand slipping into his and fitting perfectly, like they were meant to be all along.


	3. Chapter 3

They stopped outside Helga's front door. The light in the landing of her apartment worked fine. The bitter gusts of wind had turned into gentle whispers of air. Their fingers were still intertwined, hands clasped tight together, their grip on each other a beautiful metaphor for their blind confusion and hope. Helga smiled as Arnold brushed a lock of hair from her face and gazed into her eyes longingly. "Look, Arnold, things aren't the same as-.." Helga's sentence was cut off by Arnold embracing her in the sweetest of all the kisses she'd ever had in her life. And for once, she didn't resist it, she let herself go.

"Arnold, you didn't let me finish." She whispered, smiling sweetly, contented.

"I didn't need to, I know what you'll say. You're over me, things aren't the same as they were in Elementary school. And I know why you'd say that. You're afraid of getting hurt."

Helga looked away, embarrassed because Arnold was right. She was afraid. Afraid of getting hurt, yes, and rejection, disappointment and awkward silences and... then it dawned on her. The boy she had been in love with for so many years was declaring his love for her. And _she_ was rejecting _him_?

"Arnold, look, I want to love you, but it's going to take more than that to make me really fall for you again." She murmured, jamming her key into the door and opening up.

Arnold paused. "Again? You loved me before?"

Helga sighed, hanging up her coat and sauntering over to her bedroom where she sat down on her bed and slipped off the heels she had worn only so she would feel adequate in Rhonda's company. Arnold followed her hesitantly. "I guess I have some explaining to do." She laughed, breathing shakily inwards.

Arnold nodded before sitting down on the edge of her capacious double bed with her, his hands subtly stroking the sheets.

"I've loved you since I met you!" She burst out, her voice frantic. "Remember that day? You said that you liked my bow because it was-.."

".. Pink like your pants?" he continued, smiling warmly as he recalled the moment himself.

"You remembered?" Helga beamed, her hand edging closer to his then pulling away in case it was an inappropriate gesture for the exact moment.

"Of course," he replied "How could I forget the moment when I met you? I've always liked you, I guess. There's something intriguing about you. I mean, sure, I couldn't quite put my finger on it back in Elementary school, and I suppose I was denying it because you weren't exactly the nicest to me back then. Then Lila happened, and I only really _liked_ her-liked her because I couldn't have her. Over the past few years I've just been noticing you more and more and you've become so... beautiful." He stopped his monologue to stroke Helga's cheek and gaze longingly into her eyes. "Not that you weren't beautiful to begin with. I just want you to know that I've always loved you."

Helga stared at him in raw shock. "I... I thought you hated me.."

"No, not at all. The opposite. I guess.. I love you."

She felt her eyes welling with sweet, hot tears from the sheer shock of it all. She had been waiting nearly all her life to hear him say those words.


End file.
